He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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