I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
