K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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