HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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