She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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