We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
