I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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