what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
