I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
