He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
