They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
