are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
