Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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