Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
