Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
