I think i sorta joined a cult last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
