if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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