in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She told me I should be a condom model.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
