I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
