I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
