I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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