You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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