Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
