If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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