im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
