I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
