i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
