Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
