all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
