he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
