There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
