her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
