At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
