Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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