Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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