There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
