it was like his penis was on wheels.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
