Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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