I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
