I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
