I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
