Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
