the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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