I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
