don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
