This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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