guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
