Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
