her vagine was all disorganized.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
