He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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